Category: Dating and Relationships
In the last while, my world has been over-run by paranoia. Paranoia of those around me, only ever guys. What's this paranoia about I hear you ask? Simple. Is my dick big enough? Am I better in bed? Has she had better than me before? Does she think I'm crap? Now. If we are talking about one-night stands, then maybe these things are wondered about, but on the whole, the likelyhood of you seeing that person again, in theory, means that perhaps you shouldnt' be wasting your time worrying about something that's already happened. My confusion comes when you are in a relationship with someone, and they feel they are unable to make love with you because they are terrified that they wont' be good enough, or, because they worry that they won't be big enough to satisfy you. This is something I came across a good few years ago, but I didn't realise how common it is. Also, to you guys, if your X-girlfriend sleeps with someone, whom you know maybe be a, hmm, different size to you, would that annoy you? I mean, if you didn't want to know, why ask, right? It just really concerns me when I see guys worrying themselves to hell about this, when really, if it was an issue, would your girlfriend still be there? I have a funny feeling that, if all girls are as shallow as guys would have us made out to be in this subject, the whole male population would be impatent. No, before people get on their high horses, this is aimed at noone in particular, it is just seriously something that I've always wondered about. I'm not posting this to piss people off, I just want to know what you all think. Guys, does it matter to you really about who your girlfriend has been with before? If so, why? Does it matter to you what your X-girlfriends have gone on to do etc? If so, why? Everybody, does size really matter? I know a lot of girls joke about only wanting guys with big dicks, but seriously, is that true? I know it's not about that for me..... It's about how much I care about the person. I presume I'm missing something here coz it matters to so many people. I mean, obviously, size does matter to a certain degree if you are wishing to have sex propperly, i.e. sometimes it's not actually possible because of the size. Am I nasty to admit that this would bother me? However, I have a feeling, that it's not the size that's the problem in general, it's the ego. The only people I've ever come across who worry about this, actually don't have anything to worry about. God, that made me sound like such a hore didn't it, lol, but think what you will, and post your thoughts. This really bothers, yet interests me. Does size and past matter to you?
I think for some you're right, it's ego, for others it's a sense of insecurity, but sure if you're in a good loving relationship, with good communication, you should be able to find ways of pleasuring each other no matter what the equipment that's available. I wonder though if this is more of an issue in the blind world though, is it something that you see more simply because I asume sighted guys will have seen other guys in the jymn showers, or in magazines, and so know whether what they have is likely to be enough. Yes as blind people we can read the facts, but I wonder if we worry simply because we haven't generally seen the kind of thing we all say we wouldn't want to look at? lol
Yeh, possibly, however, I wonder how many fully sighted guys have thta problem? More I'd imagine seeing as their eyes work?
Interesting plethra of topics thrown together in one.
I think the size is more of a symbol or term for the guy's over-all ability to satisfy his girl friend (or one night stand or what have you). And the insecurities, I think, come mainly from the fact that, well, you girls are a complicated lot sexually. A guy can be happy if the girl is naked and a bit aroused and that is enough to, well, get a guy off, basically, she does not have to perform any magical tips and tricks really, it's a simple process so to speak (superficially, of course there are subtleties and this is more of a general impression / perception than the actual truth). Girls are different, they prefer different things, they do not automatically get off in most cases and we have to learn what the girl likes, how to please her, if we don't get her "all the way" we may feel like a failure, if we know of someone else she's been with that could do so we feel even more like a failure since obviously we don't measure up to the pervious guy in that department (and especially in a loving relationship I think it does matter to the guy, because he wants to be, well, the ideal boy friend and this can be a major source of insecurity).
Of course this isn't necessarily true. People are different, what works for one couple does not work for another and if there is love and affection and time people will find ways of maximizing each other's pleasure over time but, yeah, I am just speaking generally *smiles* and not elluding to personal experience necessarily but I think the issue does stem from this.
As for ex girl friends/ girl friends, it's a whole different ball park. Of course you're curious who your girl friend has been with and if your ex e.g. goes on to date someone you don't like or someone who you think is going to mistreat her you will respond to it, partly out of jealousy I suppose but also largely out of concern (depends on the break up). It shouldn't matter but often it does matter to a guy. And, of course, also if the guys she's with have a common group of friends and you were an under performer you start getting all worried about if people will find out. There was a guy in our friend's group in Iceland who dated a girl from the group and she blurted out at a party that he was truly the 10 second man and we couldn't help teasing him, turned out it was a very sensitive issue and he almost left the group because of it.
But, those are just some thoughts, I'd be curious to say what others have to say about the subject.
cheers
-B
B, I agree with what you're saying, but surely, although you may not instantaniously know how to please someone, that's a good thing? Isn't the whole point that maybe you don't know but have fun trying? *wink*
Sugar, of course you're right. *grin* I was just trying to find explanations, not saying this is how it should be. If the girl I was with knew tons of tricks and seem to be going about things methodically that would almost just be boring and would suggest, for one thing, she had been with more people and gotten more practice than I'd care to think <grin> discovery is half the fun ;) if not more.
cheers
-B
No B, I know, was just saying. smile
A lot of guys are insecure about size etc but the thing is that it's not the size of it that is the most important thing. It's what you do with it and how good you are at foreplay and things like that. I honestly don't give a damn who a girl I've slept with has been with previously assuming she's clean. every experience can be viewed as something new so might as well look at it as a bit of fun discovery and just enjoy it. Don't dwell on the negative things which are usually self imposed in the first place...
No...!
I'm not one of those complicated women who need maintenence. I'm far more sexually than romantically driven. Of course, I do have my particular turn-ons and a man who knows and can fulfill them will please me far more than ne who doesn't/can't. But overall, I think it really depends on the situation. I mean, if I'm with an fwb, I'm not into any of the mushy/loving stuff. I want a good fuck, plain and simple and since it's always fwb and not one-night-stand, some good company afterword. But in a loving relationship, of course I want more. Nothing material, but I'll take more time to show my partner how much I love him physically and emotionally. I just want his patience, respect, love and understanding in return. as for the penis, I think it's a work of art and should be cherrished. Each has something to offer and every size is good for something different. Also, not every woman prefers huge or even large ones. If I had to choose something physical to gripe about it would be circumcision. While I'd never blame the guy if it happened to him, I prefer uncut. I'm fine with open relationships or just plain friends with benefits. But I'm very very firm when it comes to safety and staying disease free. As to what he/I did before we met, who cares? If we can use lessons learned in those other counters to our advantages while together, so be it.
Hmm To some people I have known sise does matter, plus does he have a curve or not. So.. here is a thought to put up with this post. Do you ladies prefer a curve, long and a person who knows how to use it? Not beeing a purve, always wonder this. Also do not lash me a new one, I will not respone. thanks and keep on posting :).
I think part of the size issue for women might come from the size of themselves. IE, every woman is different vaginally. The differences in size may come from looseness, first experience, child birthing and/or natural build. There for if she is bigger vaginally, then it is going to take a little more for full satisfaction. I see no reason any guy should casticate himself for what he naturally has or does not have. Even though size can matter, (one way or the other), a lot of it is what you know to do before and maybe during as has been said. From what I have read and heard most women do not get off fully with vaginal stimulation anyways. More women seem to be much more sensitive with clit, nipples, etc, and these can be played with before and possibly during sex to increase pleasure for her. Also, do not think that bigger is always better. As a woman who has never been loose, had a small guy for first experience, (we were both young), has never given birth yet, and, is naturally built small. I do not prefer large, mind you I do not want small either...Average is just right! As a matter of fact, if I was looking beyond my husband--which I am not--if it were big I would damn well go the other way!!! Oh, and when I say naturally built small, I am not referring to my hips. It seems to be a natural conception that if a woman has large hips, (not fat, but wide), that she is larger there, not, true!!! As I had to prove to an obgyn who thought because of my build I should be able to handle the "normal" spectulum...Not!!! But, this is off topic. Anyways, from the other side, I would like to add, if a woman is larger for what ever reason there are actually excercises to tighten the vaginal muscles...Just depends on if she is willing to put a bit of effort in to a smaller partner. :)
honestly speaking, if someone loves his or her partner for real, the size, the beauty, fat or thin, height or midget, those will gone hidden.
love comes first. this is what I feel.
I'm not into one night stands or short term relationships. so if I get to feel the true love, I'll surely back off from looking at the above mentioned.
Raaj.
I had to add my thought on this size to me does matter to some it doesnt but i dont about small if he has a curve i know about big and a curve but the other i dont know but thats my thoughts
I don't understand post 14.
Raaj
Hmmm, well, I guess I'm looking at this from a whole different perspective from others who have posted to this particular board. As a gay guy, I do enjoy a curved cock. Don't ask me why. I honestly don't know. I just know that it really turns me on. As far as size, to me, there's too big as well as too small. If the guy is really responsive and enthusiastic, that's mostly all that really matters. The rest of it can be worked around.
Hmm until my wife cleard up why some like to have a curved cock, I wonder why it was prefered a lot. :) I know now!! :)
I'm curious about it, now.
why the vurved cocks are preferrable? hmmm?
Raaj.
I was told that it stimulates both the clit and the G spot. For all you ladies who want to add to this go away. Hmm educate me :).
I did not mean go away, I ment to go ahead and post to my reply, sorry about the typing mistakes.
Wow, that's gotta be a major curve to stimulate both the clit and the g-spot... I'm guessing it's more for the g-spot.
I didn't see that I'd responded to this already but here goes another one.
In most things, I understand men far better than woman. But this is one that confuses me too. Thanks wildebrew for explaining it in a way that I could understand. I couldn't comprehend it, particularly if the couple is in a loving relationship. Some women have this fear when it comes to breasts. Mine are small and I love them that way. I've never been a breast person and can't see the need for them unless you have children and have to feed them. But others with small breasts will do almost anything to make them look larger. Some even go so far as to have surgery for it!
As for me, I adore the penis in general. I've only seen maybe six in my life but I love it's many varieties of size, bend, foreskin, the way it moves and feels in my hand/mouth/body etc. I think each is good for something. But there are ones, and I've never seen these, that would make me very nervous because they'd be too big for most sexual activities, except maybe a handjob or breast play. Personally, I've always wanted to see a smaller one, or at the very least, a thinner one than average. I think the experience would be incredible, and no, I'm not into humiliation and that kind of nonsense. I just love the idea of having fun with one. To answer starfly, I think that average to short ones are better for oral, anal and intercourse, and as I've said, one that's not overly-wide helps. Curves can be very interesting and better for the G spot I suppose... cattleya, you made an excellent point. It really does depend on the size of the woman. I've met women who can't even use a tampon, and while I'm certainly nowhere near that tight, I'm tighter than I'd like to be and it's very annoying at times. Any tips on loosening up other than toys and practice? As for vaginal stimulation, the feeling is incredible and I feel sorry for those who've never experienced it. But on the other hand, I don't get the whole nipple thing. So I guess we're even.
But as has been said, if you're in a relationship and not just with a friend with benefits, there's alot more to consider than a penis or breasts. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and while I'm fortunate enough to have a man who's amazing in bed and whose body I love, I'd stay with him even if that weren't the case because there's alot of love and not just between our legs. I generally prefer a man who is very experienced and who could try a number of tricks and things to spice things up rather than one who doesn't know what they're doing. I almost consider this a double standard, that it's okay for women to want men with experience, but whenever a woman is experienced, she's seen as a slut. If men can have multiple partners why can't women? Thanks, guitargod1 for basically agreeing with me in your earlier post. Experience aside, I think that there's always room for discovery, particularly if you really love each other, no matter how long the relationship has lasted. But I don't get the women who, even with fwbs, always want some kind of love or deep emotional connection (more than friendship), who expect perfection, who can't just get down and enjoy themselves but want gifts, romance and forplay.
I forgot to add something very important. As far as past encounters, I certainly think that they matter if you think one of your partners had a disease, know that he/she had one or have one yourself. I consider safety to be of the utmost importance when with a new partner or when either you or he/she is seeing other people.
yeah thats one thing u need to t know about before u sleep with somebody.
As far as loosening...Have a kid? LOL, not a good reason to have one, but from what I hear, it will do the trick for loosening the vagina...Though, this is the first time I have heard of a woman complaining about being to tight...Usually it is the other way because she has had kids and wants the good feeling back from before she was stretched by childbirth.
No kids please! lol
i'm a small woman. smile. i love my boy friend. just the way he is smile that will never change. smile.